Last edited: May 15, 2004

Badminton Win May Help Repeal Oral Sex Ban, December 14, 2003 (Satire)

By Sporting Cock

The stunning achievement of our women’s badminton team at the South-East Asian Games may help persuade the Gahmen to overturn its current ban on oral sex.

Said the spokesman for the Singapore Union for Coital Consumption (SUCC), Miss Connie Lingus, “Our girls showed how their skill with shuttlecocks could benefit the country. All we ask is that we be allowed to similarly demonstrate the virtues of our skills with suckingcocks.”

“We blew them away in Vietnam,” Ms. Lingus continued. “And I believe we should continue our outstanding blow job in Singapore.”

The eventual failure by Li Li and Ronald Susilo to win golds in the singles did not seem to dampen SUCC’s spirits. Said Ms. Lingus, “Well, we must be very understanding. Whether in sports or oral sex, there will be inevitable cockups.”

Ms. Lingus said she would be prepared to personally tender oral submissions about SUCC’s position to any Gahmen leader who is prepared to listen.

The Gahmen said they would evaluate the matter, but cautioned Miss Lingus and company not to “get too cocky.”

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