Gays to Persuade Members Orally
February 1, 2004 (Satire)
By Pak Cham Kai
After their letter failed, Singapore gays wish to make
direct oral representations to Members of Parliament about decrimiminalizing
oral sex for homosexuals as well.
Gay activist group People Lick Us had written an
impassioned plea to MPs arguing that the forthcoming decriminalization of oral
sex should not be limited to heterosexuals. They pleaded for understanding,
saying that the law of probabilities meant that some MPs might have gay
children too, and should consider their position.
However, MPs said they found PLU’s reasoning
unconvincing, and even seemed to take the suggestion that they might have gay
“My son could never be some ah quah,” growled MP for
Bukit Buttocks Mrs. Ho Moh-Forbes. “He spends all his time hanging out with
really macho guys, playing lots of macho contact sports!”
“I guess our strategy backfired,” said People Lick Us
spokesman Khee Suk Kok. “But we’re not discouraged. Backfiring is a common
hazard in the gay community.”
Rather, PLU now wishes to make its arguments in person,
to give a human face to their suffering.
Said Mr. Khee, “We want to show them we’re sincere.
We’re willing to go down on bended knees, and give the Members a
blow-by-blow account of our suffering.”
Are PLU concerned that doing so will make the MPs harden
“Well, we certainly hope our oral submissions will make
them come around,” he replied.
MPs have mixed feelings about allowing PLU a second bite
of the cherry.
“Bring ‘em on,” said Mrs. Moh-Forbes. “I want to
give them a tongue lashing for suggesting I might have gay kids!”
“I hope their reasoning on oral sex the next time round
is sound,” said Ho Mo Kio GRC MP Fee Lay Teo. “I don’t want to sit there
listening to them just talking cock.”
Hong Kan GRC MP Mr. Mai Jee Seow reiterated the
Gahmen’s current stand. “Activists cannot push ahead of what the wider
society is able to support.”
“Well, we’re optimistic,” said PLU’s Mr. Khee.
“We think Singaporeans are very tolerant people. They’ve tolerated
inexplicably high Ministerial pay, gerrymandering, sending troops to a war
zone without parliamentary approval, defamation suits for critics, opaque
accounting for GIC investments… what’s a small thing like two guys or
girls licking each other off in private?”
“See?” thundered Mr. Mai in response to Mr. Khee’s
statement. “It’s that kind of sucky attitude that just makes me want to
blow my top!”
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